November 7, 2009 by neilina
I am not scared
of talking to you endlessly about anything till eternity
I am not scared
of staying alone to count every tick of unrecorded time
I am not scared
of hidden faces that breeze into itsy-bitsy happiness of life
I am not scared
of holding your hand and sitting silently for whole of my life
I am not scared
of falling forever as if some adventure will never come to an end
But I am scared of sudden moment of ‘realizations’
I am scared of having to let them go for what they piously belongs to me
I am scared of living with a thought of endlessly blinked loneliness
I am scared of some practical realities of life
I am scared of losing you to time
And…………….
I am very scared
P.S. – inspiration from purpleincarnations!
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October 30, 2009 by neilina
In this moment of sparkling diamond night sky
night presented itself as mercilessly baking the lonely
as if all my silence culminated in wet drop on my chin
and magical spillover ruined every thought of my being
I got up and opened the doors to my blissful balcony
but only to see a road with footsteps transfixed in time
I looked at the moon to tell my strangled unknown story
but only to hear a silence that always long to entwine
I found no one around……….and then silently,
trying not to let my tears escape
I closed my eyes……………
…………………..may be I can talk to my tears
~neilina
Posted in poem, thoughts, words | 7 Comments »
October 29, 2009 by neilina
Long long back when I was lurking in shadows of my emotions, my dear blogger friend Amrit has awarded me this award. I am sorry Amrit that I took very long to write a post about it. I am sure this laziness will drown me somewhere!
Thanks so much dear and I am glad that you think I am a creative writer.
And remember my BlueMist Akka……yeah, yeah…..my Khumbh Mela Behan, she has also awarded my blog. Yay!!
Claps please!!
And now, the intricate thing is that I have to write ten honest stuffs about me…..Phew!! So, here it goes…..
- It has been almost a year that I haven’t used my office shuttle in the morning. Is anyone interested in giving me an award on my laziness!
- I am losing interest to talk to people on cell. In fact, I feel more comfortable now to chat with them.
- I love when someone calls me in the mid of night
- Letting go the things (sometime my dreams) and accepting the things are now my two mantras.
- It is not easy for me to tell people what they mean to me. Sometime I just wish that they all could understand how much I love them.
- Oh, I am just wishing for something to happen that will reinforce my belief in serendipity.
- I love to see people laughing.
- The best way to spill all my stupid emotions and thoughts is to write a poem on them.
- Sometimes, I just want to escape and sleep in my mom’s lap and want to lay there till eternity.
- The worst emotion that I have faced in recent days is to feel and to see your parents growing old.
F-I-N-I-S-H-E-D!!
Thanks so much for all your love!!!!!! Thanks for making me happy!
Posted in Life, feelings, girl, relationship, secrets, thoughts | 16 Comments »
October 13, 2009 by neilina
Remember…that sound of silence
locked silently somewhere in my heart
And the dusk when you left me
for some unreachable horizon
And I, a dull crystal
waited there for you to come, my sun
to ablaze me with your sheer radiance
And I, a dull crystal
waited there for that rainbow radiance
captured within the walls of my soul
Till the night came to shun who I am
Remember that echo of hope in my tears
that always talked about inescapable love
And my fear of unimaginable heat of love
that can burst me into thousand pieces
And….
Finally in the deepest of the darkest night
I found myself scattered everywhere
beyond eternity, high up there, with hundred souls
I found my radiance with the wind
that always echo your platonic laughter
I, a lost dull crystal
always remember……
not to forget you
my radiance
~neilina
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September 30, 2009 by neilina
Yesterday I had a long chat with D. D is my PG mate’s love. And now because of community and caste difference, D’s parents are not allowing him to get married to P (my PG mate). And after all the family drama D has finally decided that he would sacrifice love for his parents. Their relationship continued for seven years and finally it is getting over. One thing that is bothering me like hell is the life of the girl who will get married to D. D is dead sure that he would never allow another girl to take P’s space. Till now he has seen seventeen girls and whenever he has gone to see a girl, always the face of P has come in-front of him. He can never ever give his love to another girl and all his love is for P.
My cousin got married day before yesterday. He decided to go for marriage after his love story with another girl fizzled out. His thoughts about another girl is same as D. When he had gone to see the girl (like a perfect arrange marriage) and finally said yes, he felt like he himself has done murder of his love. And no-one can occupy that space, no-one can get his love, no-one can fill his heart because all the things are meant for his lost love.
And finally, V’s story is somewhat similar to this.
I sometimes feel why someone lands into marriage if they are not sure of giving all their love and care to the partner. Why they don’t think about the girl who would land-up in their life? Do they have right to play with another’s life? And what-if after marriage they still are continuing their talk with their lost love and bluffing in-front of the girl who has landed in their life. These relationship are very pious to me.
Marriage is not some boat that you need just to sail through the river of life. You don’t deserve this boat if you can’t take care of the boat in the difficult times, if you can’t give your love like wave kisses the boat and you really don’t deserve it when you yourself is making a hole for boat to sink into the river.
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September 27, 2009 by neilina
Are the clouds shinning in this crisp morning
even when the sun is not here to brighten me
and I know my clouds are in dull grey color
or
Is the life bestowed with beauty and endless joy
even when you are not here sitting besides me
and I know some moments are meant not to have you
either way
Hope is alive; smiling with every breath of mine
and clouds shines with solitary ray meant for ‘us’
making life to exhale certainty of its own existance
and
Within the certainty in billionth of a second
holds the truth of thousand unsaid warm promises
that your life has touched me somewhere
even when I know you always think……
I am just a Lie.
~neilina
Posted in Life, love, poem, thoughts | 1 Comment »
September 25, 2009 by neilina
GONE???? not for long
My dear blog, I am so sorry. I guess it has been so long since I came here and kissed you with my words. I really missed you and all my dear friends. I don’t want to give an excuse but really I don’t know how ‘few’ days away from you muted into ‘many’ days. And I way I am, little distance always makes my heart to give excuse not to come back. But finally, I have come back. Even if I don’t print my footsteps on time, it doesn’t mean I am not here. You are always in my mind, even if I am hiding (from myself); may be for my transition period. Love ya, my blog! ~~Hug me Now~~
Posted in feelings, writing | 4 Comments »
September 4, 2009 by neilina
Silently when you gaze at grey clouds
holding breath as a bird soar through the clouds
Secretly I look deep into your eyes
to steal ashy, lifeless, sinless dreams
And when you see me hiding them
You come near to me and say
‘Give them Life, Paint my Dreams’
I wonder if you know every of me
I wonder how you imagine me
I wonder if I am your imagination only
I paint your dreams with utopian love
reckon every dream with my breath
And when I come near to you
to keep them again into your eyes
to ablaze your soul
I can only see your closed eyelids
And then I whisper slowly
try to go through little opening of eyelids
But you never open your eyes…
I lay there besides you
waiting for eternity
Just tell me once,
when will you open your eyes for your dreams?
~Neilina
Posted in feelings, poem, question | 8 Comments »
August 20, 2009 by neilina
I never imagined you
with lips in shades of blue
where spasmodic laughter
has lived zillion times
and
with those wrinkles circling your eyes
eyes that still hold the thrill of radiance
of early morning sunshine from pines
I never imagined you
with a heart of tickling heartbeats
that cloaks all joy of zillion daydreams
daydreams not of you, not of me, but of ‘us’
and
with those crimpled hands
that still holds all the secret promises
mesmerizing our eyes with golden twilight
I never imagined
those cheeks, blenched beneath freckles
as if love is curling-up in the softness
and then flying away into indigo clouds of night
But I imagined…………….
me in-front of you
lying there lifeless
And
I imagined
every tear
falling tenderly upon my heart
burning the flame
may be of love’s radiating brillance
And then ……………………..
I stopped imagining
Me without You
~neilina
P.S. For the prompt “One Single Impression”. Poem is about the impression left by the imagination!
Posted in feelings, heart, love, poem | 11 Comments »
August 19, 2009 by neilina
My current desktop walpaper……

Folsom sea! Pic taken by a man
…………..heaven must be like this!!
Posted in snaps | 4 Comments »