Archive for September 24th, 2008

I haven’t escaped from my first problem still and the second problem has popped-up. It is very difficult for me to hide what is going inside my mind. It shows on my face. Some feelings I just can’t escape. If anyone knows me somewhat, they can easily make out that I am not normal. Gosh! I never wanted this. I want to keep all my feelings within me only. Sometimes I love to wear mask and don’t want to reveal myself. I want to hide what I am feeling and at the same time pretending that I am perfectly normal.

But now-a-days I am unable to do this. Even it is just a small thing and I feel uncomfortable, it directly shows on my face. And little happiness like watching that kid in morning going to school with his father, shows on my face. Even when I chat online with my friends, I carry expressions while chatting – smiling, sometime laughing and sometime feeling sad.

From Tuesays with Morrie, “I am not bothered by the silence. For all the noise I make with my friends, I am still not comfortable talking about my feelings infront of others.”  I am not comfortable talking about my feelings with outside world. I guess I never did. I always feel that who knows me better, still doesn’t know me truly. May be that’s why I came with blog, a part more about my problems, my feelings, my emotions and my thinking. And for outside world, I guess I am totally opposite. I think if I will show this blog, no one will believe me that I feel like the way I write.

But now the situation is becoming worse. I just can’t control to show-up my feelings on my face. What to do now?

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