Archive for the ‘confusion’ Category

Just a thought….

Sometime it feels that life is nothing more than to accept the things that doesn’t matter and to let go the things that really matters to you!

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There is no satisfaction. In the game with life, life has kicked me so hard that it seems very difficult to me to regain that enthusiasm to win back. I have lost faith and every bit of hope. And am just feeling, to see myself where I will be leaving everything. I have never seen myself like this. I am missing something and this feeling has just gripped me from inside.

You live with a hope, a faith for whole of your life and suddenly someone tells and makes your life to believe that everything was fake. Someone makes you to believe and makes you to accept the life, life where you know that no one will care for you, no one will be yours and your dreams doesn’t carry any sense.

It is simply……………….” The End”!

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How do you define women identity, her independence? Is ‘earned money’ enough for a woman to make her independent and to give her an identity of her own? Why is it like this that after marriage woman feels for her life confined only to kitchen?

                                  Today I met one of my old friend. She recently got married and it was really soothing when you get to talk with someone from your childhood days especially when wavelength are in perfect sync. But somewhere I felt ‘something’ for her and that something is making her to come out of her little world. I am just thinking is there something that really defines ‘devotion’ of women! So many questions are just popping out from my head………am thinking about my future way that I have decided.

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I weaved the twigs


high-up on my starfruit tree


to have a nest, a home


for my blue bird


who has flown away


to some unknown horizon.


Like a wooden smile


which has come to rest


on my lips,


for me to realize


my smile is just my nest


my nest in poverty of wait


for her blue bird


my smile in poverty of faith


for her happiness




both of them are rich  


in fakeness of my life



This is my intake for Sunday Scribbling in-take for the week. The topic is ‘for richer or poorer’. From SS…….. 

Twists of fortune, wedding vows, the woes of the economy, dreams of riches. You might write about what it was like being a poor college student, or what you’d do if you won the lottery. Or about what true riches are, or different kinds of poverty: poverty of the spirit, of the imagination, of the pocket. Have you ever encountered true poverty? How about ridiculous wealth? Most of us probably fall in the huge spectrum in between, but if you’ve had any experiences with the extremes, it might be interesting to write about that.

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Today the topic on Sunday Scribbling is ‘I believe…” and here is my in-take for SS…..

Wisdom of hollowness inside my body

sometime argues with endurance of my soul

Makes me to abandon all my words…….

the words of my spirit, “I believe in ME”


Barren land of haunted desires

sometime craves for spark of drop

My body wants to leave everything

But my soul cries and shouts….

“I believe in vigor of my tears”


Lifeless body lingers with soul

sometime hides behind fallacious wall

My body leaves truth to live in fallacy

But my soul dances and shouts…

“I believe in trueness of my breath”


Somewhere beyond this moment

where my soul and my body dances

in the realm of isolated heaven

I can surely hear my song….

I believe in togetherness

of my body and my soul

“I Believe in ME”


PS – I always felt for many things, an argument always goes between my soul and my body. With this prompt, I just reflected my belief in ‘Me’ – a different me, where I can see togetherness of my Soul and Body.

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Life is busy…….

Hustling bustling life has made me busy. I am not sure whether I am creating a drama get myself busy in the life chores even when I know I can come out of this very well. I am meddling in my own life. But somehow it is good, you are not getting anytime to think about worthless things. Life is occupied with work, friends, movies and of course need to mention – books shopping! I am again facing the question as to what I am avoiding so that am keeping myself this much busy these days?

But somehow I miss that Neilina….who loves to think about life, who loves to write everything that passed with a jerk in her life. This Neilina miss to read all her favourite blogs. Sorry Guys for not being around very often……..

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QUESTION? Hope Or Faith?

What is more meaningful for your life – Hope or Faith? Do you see it differently? Or both of them are same, mingled with each other?

If choice is one, then what would yours be?

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Some Days…..

It’s just one of those days where you lock yourself in your room, crank the depressing music, curl up on your bed, and cry for no reason at all.

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I am thankful that the month of November passed. The month went on antipodal track of September. For one month I felt like passing a whole year and for each day I felt blessed to come to near its end.

  • On the office front there was no work pressure. Almost all the days went leisurely. And I feel this peeps up more restlessness when at the end of day you can’t look into any accomplished thing, be it even the smallest thing. For 1-2 week it is fine but when it continues for almost one month, boredom starts appearing and you feel like to give-up. At the end of month, the situation went somewhat fine and I took charge of some responsibility. Being responsible means to sow confidence and it gives immense pleasure to see the fruits at the end of day. The review for the nine months of my previous team went bad. But thank God, when I talked to the manager, it was simply due to some misunderstandings and finally got sorted out. Thanks to God and G for helping me out in this.
  • Sometimes I feel accepting the things requires much more courage than to fight for the things. To live with the resistance inside you at every moment is much more painful than to go on fighting for the thing.
  • The way we live life is different for all of us. If I have decided to live with some principles and notions then why others are always trying to change me. Why they feel that the way I am spending my life is an illusion. If I am respecting their lives, why can’t they respect mine!
  • “And she finally stopped playing their song, when she realized she was dancing alone”. I can never understand why for some things, I am so dependent on others. Sometimes my behavior is just reflection of the way that others behave with me. Why letting go for me, sometimes become very easy when I get a small hint that I am just a false impression in others life. Why can’t I create a thread that will bind other person even if the other is flying away. I am afraid that my letting-go mantra will make me alone in the future.
  • I felt restlessness because of the noises inside me. It was neither a fear nor some excitement. The noises gave me sleepless night. I craved for my silence and it was appearing that my life has forgotten what silence is! I felt to be alone and not to talk to anyone. I came-up with the least number of posts for this month since the time I started using WP.
  • I am thankful to all my friends for their support, love and care. It really feels great to know that there is always someone for you, no matter what!

Waiting to see how now my December will go! I just pray it to bring some sunshine into my life. Amen!

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Yesterday when I went to bed and closed my eyes, all I could feel were noises. It was feeling as if my whole body was shaking horribly from inside with vibrations starting from my head and reaching to the tip of my toe. I just wanted to gather enough energy and wanted to make my soul to sit in front of me. Then I wanted to shake my soul and wanted to shout “what is there that is going inside?” It was really sinful from my side that I started cursing myself. My confidence seems to me the part of another sky. I couldn’t concentrate and couldn’t make my mind to believe in God. Unknown fear was just gripping me. I don’t remember when sleep pulled a cover on this restlessness. Still a part of that restlessness is pinging me at every moment.

Below, not related to post………

Novice has commented in one of my post….

“Neilina, I hope you don’t mind me posting this piece to help someone worthy to get the prize offered by CNN. ” If any of you is intersted in checking the link, here it is:-


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