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Archive for the ‘destined’ Category

There was something different that day. She felt what-if something happens to her tomorrow, she has never told him how much he means to her life even though he doesn’t feel anything for her.

She clicked on his name and stared at the popped-up window. And finally after few time clicks….

She: Hey….are you busy?

He: Is there something urgent?

She: Nope, nothing like that!

After few more time clicks….

He: So, are you back at home? Had your dinner?

She: not yet…have to prepare yet!

He: hmmm

She: I just wanted to tell you that you are very special to me.

He: Why? what happened suddenly…so, which movie have you watched?

She: *blank*

He: Don’t get senti on me, you know that I don’t like all this.

She: I know……I am sorry!

He: I don’t know what to say…..don’t put yourself into too many emotions and sentiments…..it pains later….am too straighforward!

She: Okay

She closed the window with a thought is he the one with whom she got engaged.  A fear crippled her when she thought about her future with him!

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There is no satisfaction. In the game with life, life has kicked me so hard that it seems very difficult to me to regain that enthusiasm to win back. I have lost faith and every bit of hope. And am just feeling, to see myself where I will be leaving everything. I have never seen myself like this. I am missing something and this feeling has just gripped me from inside.

You live with a hope, a faith for whole of your life and suddenly someone tells and makes your life to believe that everything was fake. Someone makes you to believe and makes you to accept the life, life where you know that no one will care for you, no one will be yours and your dreams doesn’t carry any sense.

It is simply……………….” The End”!

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In the morning when I got up I just prayed, “Let I be same as yesterday” and the way it is, never my solicit prayers are atoned, so here I am in a mood that I hate to be in.

Yesterday, I was with entirely new feeling and I guess that was the first time I experienced such tranquility and calmness in my mind. I enjoyed my loneliness like anything. I didn’t meet any of my friend, didn’t talk with many people and didn’t bother about anyone. Best thing was that I was not thinking about people. Otherwise, my mind is always occupied with the thoughts of people. I was thinking about me, universe, the leaves which are dancing, the clouds. I was enjoying like anything watching the nature, as if everything was meant for me only. Sometimes we need not listen any words, we don’t require any feeling from someone, we never talk, we know very well that other is not at all bothered by our presence or absence, but yet we feel filled. Just a contact is important, most simplest yet most powerful one! I know may be somewhere I am not important part of universe, but yesterday ‘important’ or anything else hadn’t come between me and universe. I felt extreme happy seeing the universe. The way clouds were coming from opposite sides and then mingling to give us rain was awesome. 

There are so many changes happening just for me and never I have influenced this change drama. I am spectator of my own show, watching the character played by me only. How it feels when at the same moment you are both actor and spectator? How it feels…..I know, I felt yesterday!

And today, I am again into the same labyrinth. Isn’t it surprising that in just a blink of a second my mood swings from one unknown corner to my own very familiar corner.

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These days typical conversation between my mom and me involves my mom’s favourite topic ‘marriage’. And whenever I tell her, give me one more year, I am not yet ready for marriage and to take all the responsibilities, she angrily shouts, “you have got job, now well-settled, I don’t understand for whom you want to wait now. There is time for everything. When I was of your age, M (my young bro) had already started going to kindergarten.” What excuse should I give her? Hope she could understand I am hanging in dilemma. I guess it happens with everyone. That is another story. On one side, sometimes I do feel to get married and have ‘my own home’ especially when I go to some supermarket and see all the homely things. I just wish I can buy them and then decorate my sweet home. On one side, having no idea who will come in my life makes me pendulous. Now I wish I should have gone for love marriage. There is no love line given on my palm and absence of it has always created repulsion between me and love. Now I am too old, even to think about love 😀  My parent’s selection criteria works like this……..

  • Guy should be from J (my native).
  • He should of my caste.
  • Horoscopes should match.
  • His surname should not be same as my mother’s family surname (when I asked her why? I got to hear, “This is the custom. It happens like this only”)
  • Preferably he should be working in some IT company (When I asked her the reason. The obvious answer was compatibility. And when I told her I don’t want to work after marriage, she went into topsy-turvy situation 😀 )
  • The guy should not be settled outside India.

 

And when someone asks me about my criteria, I say ,”The guy should be tall. I always love to wear heels. And don’t want to abandon wearing heels after my marriage 😀 ”

Whatever it is, I am totally loving this journey. And I guess the enjoyment will come to end once some proposal will get fix. I just pray God to give me some time. And ‘HE’ will surely give me, afterall he knows me better than anyone else 🙂 Like the way it is happening, some proposal is coming, not satisfying their selection criteria, and then my mom telling me on the phone…”Where are you hiding…Oh! Mother’s Son, appear for my daughter” and I am telling her,”Don’t say anything about my Pati Dev” and our laugh continuing endlessly. Wish this time never ends!

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Your life has given enough sugar in your cup of tea. Just scald enough with your actions to dissolve some cubes, if you want sweetness at this moment only.

             But somehow, every cube will dissolve someday, it has to! And even if, while taking sip on that someday, you don’t feel sweetness, then life treats you as diabetic.

              Life always thinks about you!

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The aroma of breeze

 

fantasizing your world

 

with bardish imagination,

 

Making you to close eyes

 

to look deep within but

 

to notice that naked soul,

 

Sprouted from naked seeds,

 

Moved into the naked buds,

 

Gave universe naked flowers,

 

And stood with naked stalks!

 

Let me release my naked soul,

 

Let my naked soul take step

 

marked towards genesis!

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It always takes me to different world and every time I feel I am new me, whenever I finish reading any book of Paulo Coelho. I am with ‘The Fifth Mountain’. When I started the book, I failed to adhere my mind with the wordings. But there was something that was binding me to keep on turning page. The more I went further, more the book mesmerized me. And now I am completely in new world – like new vitality has grown inside. I don’t know for how long it will continue, but whatever I am now feeling blessed and I guess I am ready to take tough decisions. Bless me!

From the book……..

“Each one has a name from birth but must learn to baptize his life with the word he has chosen to give meaning to that life………The destruction of the city and the death of the woman he loved had been necessary for Elijah to understand that he too must have name. And at that moment he named his life Liberation. “

What name will you give to your life? At this moment I am feeling to give the name ‘RAIN’ to my life. Don’t know why….rain for me is not rain, but everytime when I see rain, I feel blessed. If in future I am clear about my life, then surely I will change. 🙂

“A child can always teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to be always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.”

“A warrior accepts defeat. He does not treat it as a matter of indifference, nor does he attempt to transform it into a victory. The pain of defeat is bitter to him; he suffers at indifference and becomes desperate with loneliness. After all this has passed, he licks his wounds and begins everything anew. A warrior knows that war is made of many battles; he goes on”

“Can God be evil? the boy insisted. ‘God is all powerful’, answered Elijah. ‘He can do anything, and nothing is forbidden to Him, for if it were, there would exist someone more powerful than He, to prevent His doing certain things. In that case, I should prefer to worship and revere that more powerful someone…….Still because of His infinite power, He chose to do only Good. If we reach the end of our story, we shall see that often Good is disguised as Evil, but it goes on being the Good, and is part of the plan that He created for Humanity.”

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When I will look back

every mark of my foot

on the sand of seashore

and I will find a pearl

cling to my every step

Then I will shout the answer

“How I met my life?”

 

When I will be in race

someday with the light

and will dissolve all colors

painting rainbow for you

Then I will shout the answer

“How I met my life?”

 

When the mystic moon

in the darkest night will

give me all undiluted

shine to make me the Goddess

Then I will shout the answer

“How I met my life?”

 

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This is the first time I am trying out Sunday Scribblings, afflated to recent Rambler’s Post. The topic given is “How I met my……” Just a try to capture my wishes in few lines saying ,”How I Met My Life”. I want to dedicate this entry to Rambler, his blog only made me to come to Sunday Scribblings and made me to write down few lines!

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