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Archive for the ‘question’ Category

Just thinking….

Is it okay to compromise in a relationship? But a relationship should never be based on compromise.

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YOUR DREAMS!

Silently when you gaze at grey clouds

holding breath as a bird soar through the clouds

Secretly I look deep into your eyes

to steal ashy, lifeless, sinless dreams

And when you see me hiding them

You come near to me and say

‘Give them Life, Paint my Dreams’

I wonder if you know every of me

I wonder how you imagine me

I wonder if I am your imagination only

I paint your dreams with utopian love

reckon every dream with my breath

And when I come near to you

to keep them again into your eyes

to ablaze your soul

I can only see your closed eyelids

And then I whisper slowly

try to go through little opening of eyelids

But you never open your eyes…

I lay there besides you

waiting for eternity

Just tell me once,

when will you open your eyes for your dreams?

~Neilina

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What actually missing someone means? Is it like this that the past (or the future that you imagined), which is hiding somewhere inside your brain cells suddenly pops-up and dances infront of your eyes, creates old (presumed) magical patterns and then you crave  to be there with the patterns.  Or ‘missing’ is just a flash of thought which is held with remembrance.  But missing doesn’t always mean ‘craving’. Surely, somewhere it is attached with “what if…..”.

Few days back, I was feeling like to talk to one my friend with whom I have a friendship of simple ‘Hi’. I wanted to talk to him, wanted to hear a simple hello. And now sitting here, I am just thinking as to how many people have crossed my life and somewhere all of them have left an impression. Some are the ‘best things’ happened to me. Some have made me to cross the road, taken my hand and then hidden somewhere….where? I don’t know ! And the best thing is that for many of them I don’t remember. I do miss all of them.

Remembering these lines from ‘Before Sunset’……………….

“You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details”

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QUESTION? Hope Or Faith?

What is more meaningful for your life – Hope or Faith? Do you see it differently? Or both of them are same, mingled with each other?

If choice is one, then what would yours be?

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I am reading Gibran’s ‘The Madman’ in which for the page titled ‘On the Steps of the temple’ he says…

Yestereve, on the marble steps of the Temple, I saw a woman sitting between two men. One side of her face was pale, the other was blushing.

How you interpreted these words?

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K – So, you write poems? I can smell something fishy. Am now dead sure there is someone in your life? Who is he?

It really sucks when I get to hear this statement in that sarcastic way. When you are not my friend and there is only professional relationship between us, why the hell are you intersted in this kinda thing? Are emotions come only when there is love in your life? Does love writing show your love-life? Why don’t people understand this??? Love is not necessarily to be there to write about love. And why they are so much eager to get a chance to peep into my personal life?  Really some people na……

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Motionless……..

I am standing

cherubically staring

heap of my tacit dreams

lying in fictitious realm

radiating serenity

in every thought.

My dead dreams

do breathe silence

in matrix of dead hopes!

Vagrantly…………

I am kissing

all radiant hopes

floating in balmy air

Not knowing from where

desolate parcel voyaging

with no dreams can dust-off.

My lively hopes

do twinkle endlessly

in dark shadow of hollow dreams!

There are some dreams for which no hope is attached. Reality doesn’t allow me to do it. They can never come true. But I do breathe these dreams. After all, life is not where all the dreams are to be fulfilled. They still give me happiness when I think about them. The childhood dreams, teenage dreams, career dreams and so on! Time always sets a limit on them. Dreams without hopes are still my life. There are some hopes for which I never dreamt. They are coming, fruiting in my mind and staying there. It never occurred to me to link dreams to these hopes. Hopes without dreams! And I have also found a bridge linking dreams and hopes. Living with this trinity of dream and hope sometimes make me to think hard.

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ENOUGH LOVE!

And…………

I told him

“I Love You”

shrinking words

into life

helter-skelter

he nooded

trying to find words

to ask me ‘WHY?’

And………..

I stood there

thinking zillion reasons

to transcend feelings

I looked deep

into his eyes

and shouted

“Is this enough?”

And…………

he moved away

may be to dead end

only to send echo

“Is Love Enough for us?”

And…………

Breathless I stood there

craving to know………..

What ‘enough’ is!

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I haven’t escaped from my first problem still and the second problem has popped-up. It is very difficult for me to hide what is going inside my mind. It shows on my face. Some feelings I just can’t escape. If anyone knows me somewhat, they can easily make out that I am not normal. Gosh! I never wanted this. I want to keep all my feelings within me only. Sometimes I love to wear mask and don’t want to reveal myself. I want to hide what I am feeling and at the same time pretending that I am perfectly normal.

But now-a-days I am unable to do this. Even it is just a small thing and I feel uncomfortable, it directly shows on my face. And little happiness like watching that kid in morning going to school with his father, shows on my face. Even when I chat online with my friends, I carry expressions while chatting – smiling, sometime laughing and sometime feeling sad.

From Tuesays with Morrie, “I am not bothered by the silence. For all the noise I make with my friends, I am still not comfortable talking about my feelings infront of others.”  I am not comfortable talking about my feelings with outside world. I guess I never did. I always feel that who knows me better, still doesn’t know me truly. May be that’s why I came with blog, a part more about my problems, my feelings, my emotions and my thinking. And for outside world, I guess I am totally opposite. I think if I will show this blog, no one will believe me that I feel like the way I write.

But now the situation is becoming worse. I just can’t control to show-up my feelings on my face. What to do now?

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Is exposed weakness or disablitity or burden enough to gather love? Emotional handicap lingers inside many times. God should have given two more eyes to see that cannot be seen? How many of us have the power to see the emotional odds inside others and can stand-by? May be many of have a fear that it can involve their emotions being turned into handicap. Holes are not meant to be filled by soil alone, giving a seed to the hole is a step towards a beautiful garden.

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