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Archive for the ‘question’ Category

I can see your marks

headed towards my door

everyday. Even then,

Every time when I ask you,

I get to hear…..

“I haven’t come”

Whom to believe?

You or Your Marks?

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How you wish to die? In the silence of the night while sleeping or drowning in some sea or meting with an accident and in one shot, you are gone! Anyhow, mostly I have seen death with pain. And while going I don’t want to suffer in pain. That pain will be extreme I guess, for it takes us to new world. Pain is attached when new beginning is made. I wish death to come in my sleep and in deep silence to engulf me that I myself don’t know what is happening.

My Grandma was totally opposite. She always prayed death to come slowly and slowly. She wanted to experience every moment and wanted to know how it feels when death comes. She prayed God to bestow her with illness that allows death to come in pace. God granted her wish and gave her  Cancer. There was one more reason for the wish, for her husband also died from cancer and she wanted to experience her husband pain. We did not know about the wish until she herself told us in her last hours. And told us not to feel heavy hearted and desolate. According to her, she was satisfied from life and there was nothing that she could have wished for.

She told us to chant God’s name and to keep her husband’s handkerchief near to her heart when she would be in death bed. She listed all the things that are part of death ritual in one notebook and explained my mom and uncle how to carry out all the rituals exactly. She asked my uncle to whiten the house with white-wash as many people would be coming to see her in the last hours and never had she wanted anyone to comment about the cleanliness of her house. She prepared herself and everyone for the departure. The scenes still flash infront of eyes and without any emotions in my heart, tears comes in my eyes. I miss her. My Grandma – the strongest woman I have known in my life.

Death will come when it has to! But which wish is better? You never know when God will grant.

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Smoking is as addicted as breathing. If someone smokes (unless they are close to me) I am never bothered by their smoking habits. Let them!

I never faced any experience which made me to realize how much it can bother other people until today. I went with some questions to my fellow teammate (now knowing that he just came from outside after puffing his lungs with smoke). And while he was explaining, what my nose could breathe was offensive smell of smoking, like the traumatize air was just blown on my face. Gosh! It was horrible and horrible! God knows how I controlled myself not to vomit. But surely, that fellow must have got some hints by my face. I cannot stand this!

Can someone please tell these people atleat wash their face or chew something after smoking or to put handkerchief over their mouth if it is that necessary to talk to someone after smoking!

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Sometime it seems

 

world is so near to me

 

I just have to fog off

 

my reflection in the eye

 

and wipe that one thought

 

Sometime it seems

 

world is so far from me

 

Every mark of step snuffed out

 

and I scud to cross woods before

 

time vanishes that one thought 

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            The intrepidity to ACCEPT sometimes calls for ultimate courage. Oh My Life…..Bless me with this fearlessness. If someone sarcastically separates my soul from the body, what courage my life will demand to follow the way of acceptance, to live without soul? Why to sit in some lonesome corner and to watch tragedy of my own life. Acceptance will give birth to my soul, confidence to take me to my horizon. Lay down a simpler way for life to go…………….

 

Is acceptance sometimes a compromise or always a compromise or never a compromise?

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When I will look back

every mark of my foot

on the sand of seashore

and I will find a pearl

cling to my every step

Then I will shout the answer

“How I met my life?”

 

When I will be in race

someday with the light

and will dissolve all colors

painting rainbow for you

Then I will shout the answer

“How I met my life?”

 

When the mystic moon

in the darkest night will

give me all undiluted

shine to make me the Goddess

Then I will shout the answer

“How I met my life?”

 

*************************

This is the first time I am trying out Sunday Scribblings, afflated to recent Rambler’s Post. The topic given is “How I met my……” Just a try to capture my wishes in few lines saying ,”How I Met My Life”. I want to dedicate this entry to Rambler, his blog only made me to come to Sunday Scribblings and made me to write down few lines!

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Going deep down in the depths

of the valley of my soul

Or

Moving up to the mysterious height

of the unconquerable mountains

Which one is better?

 

Thinking deeply to create complexity

and searching answers at every step

Or

Not to think and give life magnificent freedom

and to hinder questions appearing in mind

Which one is better?

 

How to define life? How to vanish dilemma which hangs me? Whether to quit everything or to take rest in my mother’s lap? The days will go and the moments will not come. In future I will suffer someday to have a moment of blink, to go there and keep my head there. Should I be here, struggling to make my identity…..the way, I am defining my life – the life concerned with myself only. Where life is defined to make your future secure, future which is unknown to me…. Or Should I make myself very strong that these thoughts don’t wither my mind. Answer of every question demands so much strength and every time I sit quiet, thinking………..may be this is the way life is defined!

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Words flitting from

heart to heart

embracing seductive breeze

of dusk and dawn

mesmerizing

you and me with

marijuana aroma.

Anesthetic moonlight

elicited truth

of tear on dry rose

questioning

why to create love fable

for end is sure to come.

why to parabolize feeling

for truth is hard to find.

Where is truth, that you want

for blood tranquilizes

millions narcotics of infidelity.

Let me come

and bury myself in your lap

Let me see

how it feels to suffer

when sedative marijuana

makes me ‘you’ and you ‘me’

Why to ask questions

when every answer reflects

in simplicity of soporific marijuana.

Let me become MARIJUANA for YOU!

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I am bird, they say of endless ill omen

I am curse of God

they say of exile and poverty

Please say,

When God started giving curses…….

Please say,

Why wings can’t make me to fly………

 

I am flower, they say for departed

I am divine like goddess

they say, came to end yearnings of few

Please say,

When soul of dead will take me to heaven……

Please say,

Why men are born with hunger of lust……..

 

I am radiance, they say of falling star

I am deep darkness

they say of unending doom and cataclysm

Please say,

Why no-one is there to love ill-fated doom………

Please say,

Why they make godly wish seeing falling star……..

 

They shout at me

“I am Girl………I am Girl”

Please say,

What it means to be a girl?

Just for one time, please say,

What it means to be a girl

What it means……………….

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Blogging Addiction is popping-up in my life. It has become my favorite time pass. While aimlessly surfing I came across one blog DullBrightness which gave a pricking sensation to me. Lines of one of post ‘Lost in translation’ ………

“You sit alone in the boggling crowd, trying to establish a connection, but nobody or nothing around you seems to connect. It’s like you’ve never been a part of the cosmos. Your conception of self is blurred, immensely nebulous…you want to run away – from words, from beings, from objects and transcend into the hallucination of an opiate. You try to delve deeper into what a sane man would term ‘sense’, and you lose faith in sanity itself.”

What you think………..Are you Alone?

I have seen many blogs having no comments, not even one! But these bloggers keep on writing, continuing as long as three-four years or even more than that. My blog carries many feelings, emotions and represent a part of me, my life. I feel it is more of me and I don’t need anyone else, in-case if no-one turns up to read my words. I started my blog with exactly these intentions. But now I feel difference in the semantics of these words. Somehow I feel, some one should come here and read my words. I want ideas, love, response, want to be criticized and I want to see how deep other can understand my words. But one thing I always wanted about comments that they should be true, from heart not like as one of my friend says, just ‘BlogEtiquette’. Comments are not something like ‘Give and Take’. If I post comment in a blog, it is more of my liking, my love, my ideas towards the blog and every comment is special to me.

Are comments important to you? How you will feel when no one posts in your blog? How far can you go in writing even when no one visits to your blog? How can you define the relationship between you and your blog? These questions are pinging me since the time I have read the post of DullBrightness.

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