Posts Tagged ‘confusion’

I am bird, they say of endless ill omen

I am curse of God

they say of exile and poverty

Please say,

When God started giving curses…….

Please say,

Why wings can’t make me to fly………


I am flower, they say for departed

I am divine like goddess

they say, came to end yearnings of few

Please say,

When soul of dead will take me to heaven……

Please say,

Why men are born with hunger of lust……..


I am radiance, they say of falling star

I am deep darkness

they say of unending doom and cataclysm

Please say,

Why no-one is there to love ill-fated doom………

Please say,

Why they make godly wish seeing falling star……..


They shout at me

“I am Girl………I am Girl”

Please say,

What it means to be a girl?

Just for one time, please say,

What it means to be a girl

What it means……………….


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No thought is flickering my mind

I am aphonic in this silence

except with few shallow, hollow words

jumping to come out from my cerebrum.

You want to hear some

trendy, inspiring, knowledge worthy story

which can capture your feelings

or can change your life for good.

Mind always wants to receive,

a sort of divine attraction is felt in reception!

My words are fruitless, impotent, meaningless

My phonetics are sleeping

I am voiceless, speechless!

I just wish to go deep down in your heart

and to write a song of your heartbeats,

the song which is carried all along in your blood!

But I can’t

But I wish I can.

I wish to be brilliant in expression!

Pendulum always swings between

words said, which we shouldn’t

which we should, words remain unsaid!

These jingles give birth to senseless

like if I say

“dhihdi ahdhiuh ahyekfo fhushki”

– result of random hitting of keys!

– vomiting of random reflexes!

Not all the words carry meaning

I wish you can understand

I wish you can understand

when I randomly hit keys to say something

to write those senseless, meaningless words.

I wish you can!

I wish!


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I wonder……..

If I have to

give all my


to spread out

a circle from

a dot


If I have to

give all my

strength to


a circle to

again get a dot


If I have to

allow myself

to standstill and


kinetics of circle



I wonder,

I question,

which ‘IF’ can give me

more torture

more wound

more heartache!

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From morning a different sort of feeling is wavering my mind. A feeling, ‘something is going to happen’, is pumping out from my heart. I am not able to define it. But it is shaking my mind, making me namby-pamby puppet. I have become dormant and without a feel of what is happening around me. As if all my senses are dumb and I am finding myself going deep into that restlessness. I want to come out from this…………want some change………….

Teeter totter life

Life of climacteric


every moment

new melancholic

skyrockets from

heart and body

What is this?

Is this a fear?

Or something else?

Body shakes


kooky loony

vibration of heartbeats.

Insane electricity

starts from

toe and reaches brain,

to scrabble all words.

I can’t speak….

I can’t……

I wish, I can!

May be someone very far,

is knitting a booby trap.

May be my cognizant shadow

in ambush near unknown corner!


Please, say something….

Listen my silence………

Listen my heart………

for my body is busy

playing seesaw with life!

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A door opened



and then closed

for unknown sanity

Which is better?

Should I think?

Let it go……..


A step taken

to get


and then

taken back

as no question asked

Should I question?

Let it go………..


A stage set

to show


but then


as all players gone

Should I search?

Let it go………


Let it go………

Let it go……….

I embraced new mantra

and then shouted

“For How Long?”

but then

heart answered

“Let it go…………….”

But tell me WHERE?

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I always love surprises. And now the time is coming when my most important surprise will be revealed to me. I don’t know how long will it take for that surprise (don’t know if I have to call it surprise) to come. My parents have started searching a guy for me. I don’t know if I am ready for the start of new phase of life or not.

I had chat with my cousion. Today he went to see some girl. But he didn’t like the girl. He is half confused. According to him, the girl lacks feminine characteristics. He didn’t mean look, complexion and her dressing sense. He met girl just like an informal meeting. He was telling me he didn’t like the way the girl was walking. There should me something which reflects feminine characteristics and the girl was lacking in that. He wants my advise on this and I myself don’t know what exactly to say.

Every person has some dreams about his/her life partner. But there are many things on which we have to make compromise. I should not call it compromise, but love – the love to accept the differences. My mind is addling me. I am thinking how it feels if someone rejects you or when you reject someone. Isn’t love marriages are good in this?

If some boy will be coming to see me, I can’t even imagine, how many things will be running in this mind! If I think about myself, I can see many negative things about me. Can in arrange marriage is it possible for someone to accept me like that?

But, how it goes……..if I get acceptance or rejection………I am looking forward for the new phase coming in my life. This wait is making my stomach to giggles.

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