YOUR STEPS

i have always seen

our footsteps marked on sand

with rusted sunset holding our breath.

and now

when i go alone on that seashore

i always find your footmarks

on turning back

those tidal waves still caress them

as if you are their child

or may be they have their own way

of remembering who once stepped with them.

in same need as God of love

i also want to lay my steps

on those marked steps of yours

but every time those tidal waves

throw me high up in the air

where my heart chokes

with thoughts of meeting the horizon

……may be i was an unwelcome guest in your life

or……may be welcomed one but I overstayed

Sometimes i wonder

what if i again see you somewhere

in that shade of rusted sunset!

will then we still be presuming

being ‘US’ is a mistake

or we would have accepted

it doesn’t matter to our lives!

….but tell me once

which is more worse?

Read Full Post »

Blind Haziness!

When I closed my eyes yesterday night, some hazel dreams started dancing in the deep darkness in-front of my eyes. But all I could see were those murky dreams that were just randomly jumping rather than dancing with those mesmerizing steps. And then with all my strength I tried to clear this smoggy scene and at the end all I could see were zillion twinkling dots telling me to shape my dream. I took one dot, joined it to another and then to another and then to another……..

Many painted dreams now invisibly rest besides me. And today when I tried to admire them, all I could feel and see is that they are not fitting in the space. I don’t know what this space is all about. May be it is all that my heart can think of, may be it is all that my eyes can see, may be it is all those emotions that I can feel or may be it is just a reflection of some fanatical dreams on a thin ice. I am clueless! And today only I got to read this message for me…..

“… that when you pursue your dreams, every second is an encounter with God. Following your dreams opens your heart allowing God to enter and fill you with bliss.”

I am here now with my dreams, struggling hard to fit them into my defined space. Many have been crippled and few have been smashed in this trial. I don’t know where God will enter and if He can fill cracks with his bliss. Just with a hope…..Amen!

Read Full Post »

Realizations….

• I always believed that communication is the most vital part of any relationship. Well, it seems sometimes we share so much with someone but something from no-where always creeps-in creating a wall between the two. And sometimes even when the two communicates like anything, some words still remain unspoken creating a wall. I realized I am still bad in expressing myself to others.
• You can’t have any relationship without limits. I thought I could have and then a try to have one, made the relationship to move away from my life.
• Relationship is still the most difficult subject to think upon. I really don’t want to think!!
• I realized the new changed me. Earlier Neilina who always wanted someone by her side now loves to live alone. She doesn’t believe now in soulmates.  I was surprised by myself only as to how I started accepting all the things coming in my life.
• Facebook is addictive than orkut. And now it is happening, that I am not opening my orkut account for many days.
• My cooking is not so bad 🙂 I have started liking my own dishes even when others are still giving me rank of 4 or 5.
• And I want to thanks from deep of my heart to Rambler and BlueMist who are there with me since the time I started my blog on wordpress. Thanks Guys!

Read Full Post »

TEARS IN OCEAN

In this moment of sparkling diamond night sky

night presented itself as mercilessly baking the lonely

as if all my silence culminated in wet drop on my chin

and magical spillover ruined every thought of my being

I got up and opened the doors to my blissful balcony

but only to see a road with footsteps transfixed in time

I looked at the moon to tell my strangled unknown story

but only to hear a silence that always long to entwine

I found no one around……….and then silently,

trying not to let my tears escape

I closed my eyes……………

…………………..may be I can talk to my tears

~neilina

Read Full Post »

….and the happiness bubble landed here!

Long long back when I was lurking in shadows of my emotions, my dear blogger friend Amrit has awarded me this award. I am sorry Amrit that I took very long to write a post about it. I am sure this laziness will drown me somewhere! 😦

Thanks so much dear and I am glad that you think I am a creative writer. 🙂

And remember my BlueMist Akka……yeah, yeah…..my Khumbh Mela Behan, she has also awarded my blog. Yay!! 🙂 Claps please!!

And now, the intricate thing is that I have to write ten honest stuffs about me…..Phew!! So, here it goes…..

• It has been almost a year that I haven’t used my office shuttle in the morning. Is anyone interested in giving me an award on my laziness!
• I am losing interest to talk to people on cell. In fact, I feel more comfortable now to chat with them.
• I love when someone calls me in the mid of night 🙂
• Letting go the things (sometime my dreams) and accepting the things are now my two mantras.
• It is not easy for me to tell people what they mean to me. Sometime I just wish that they all could understand how much I love them.
• Oh, I am just wishing for something to happen that will reinforce my belief in serendipity.
• I love to see people laughing.
• The best way to spill all my stupid emotions and thoughts is to write a poem on them.
• Sometimes, I just want to escape and sleep in my mom’s lap and want to lay there till eternity.
• The worst emotion that I have faced in recent days is to feel and to see your parents growing old.

F-I-N-I-S-H-E-D!!

Thanks so much for all your love!!!!!! Thanks for making me happy!

Read Full Post »

A LIE!

Are the clouds shinning in this crisp morning

even when the sun is not here to brighten me

and I know my clouds are in dull grey color

or

Is the life bestowed with beauty and endless joy

even when you are not here sitting besides me

and I know some moments are meant not to have you

either way

Hope is alive; smiling with every breath of mine

and clouds shines with solitary ray meant for ‘us’

making life to exhale certainty of its own existance

and

Within the certainty in billionth of a second

holds the truth of thousand unsaid warm promises

that your life has touched me somewhere

even when I know you always think……

I am just a Lie.

~neilina

Read Full Post »

Eight wonders of Neilina! :)

It seems like I am taking a dip in this tag world. It is always a fun to think about the things just about you and you only!! Amrit has tagged me here and zestfully I have taken it. So, here goes the tag……….

8 TV Shows I Love to Watch

It has been ages that I have seen any timeless tv show since the moment I landed in Pune. Hmm….if I have to think of 8 TV shows that I love to watch anytime if I get a chance…..then the list is:

Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai

Lolla Kutty Channel V

Takshi Castle on Pogo Channel

Mile jab hum tum

And love to watch songs, songs and songs…..

8 Favorite Places to Eat

Barbeque Nation (Bangalore)

Gramin (Bangalore)

Pizza Hut

Candle night dinner at Leela (Bangalore)

Falak KC Residency (Jammu)

Hari Palace (Jammu)

Polynation (Bangalore)

Paranthas at Fab India (Bangalore)

8 Things that happened yesterday

Talked with my fiance over phone for a long time and felt happy

Had gulabjamun in lunch

Chatted with a friend after a long time

Got Addicted to the song ‘Zihale–Masti Maqam Branjis‘

Changed my gtalk pic and posted pics in orkut

Had a long chat with mom and dad

Landed in twitter after a long time

Thanked God for my happy mood

8 Things I look forward to

My hairs to grow to shoulder length and then have a nice hair cut

Starting with my looped program of joining gym

To be in home with mom and dad

October to come

A new mobile

To Hug my mom, Oh….I miss her!!!

Shopping

To write poems on subjects hanging in my head

8 Things I love about Winter

Foggy days

Warmer foggy breath

No tension of weight gain

Scarfs tied around the neck

Cold hands and feet

Holding hot coffee cup

Days getting shorter

Rajai

8 Things on my Wish List

Never to die

To have DSLR

To go alone t0 some unknown place

Spending a month with mom-dad

To meet N again in my life

To love with all my heart and soul

Toyoto Corolla

A Platinum Pendant

8 Things I am passionate About

Songs

Poems

Books

Antique Jewellery

Friendship

Scarfs

Old Snaps

Candles

Flowers

8 Words or Phrases I often use

wow!

ek dum mast

newpinch

wahi tow

aarey bhai

bas chal raha hai

8 Things I have learned from my past

No matter what the world thinks, you need to be best in your eyes.

When the things turn-out to be at their worst, still the hope lingers.

Assumptions are poison to the relationships.

Always push through the fear of ‘what might me’. For the truth is not as horrible as what the mind is left to imagine.

Even I don’t say ‘I love you’ so often, but my God means everything to me.

Letting go doesn’t mean giving-up.

Crying sometime is the best way to give peace to heart.

Getting into loneliness is a chain reaction. The more you feel lonelier, the more you cut yourself from others.

8 Places I Would Love to Go or See or Visit

Ireland

Eastern part of India

Folsom Sea

Any unkown place

Paris

Goa

Kailash Mansarovar

Hawaii

Cape Town

8 Things I Currently Need or Want

A hot cup of tea

A nap

Some songs in background

My mobile to ring

This tag to finish-off

a fun-fill chat and masti with friends

a surprise!!

And………..F-I-N-I-S-H-E-D!  🙂

Read Full Post »

Woman!!

From my old box:-

I am a woman, a body subsuming the universe

Melancholy of love, passion, sorrow and desire

I am in the creation and in the annihilation

I am woman, a dancer of this whole enchilada

Ardency of your soul’s essence

Emotion, devotion, adulation and affection

I am a woman, part of God, queen of creation

~neilina

A woman of Strength……….

• A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape, but….. A woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.
• A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything, but…. A woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.
• A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her, but…. A woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone.
• A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future, but….. A woman of strength realizes life’s mistakes can also be God’s blessings and capitalizes on them.
• A strong woman walks surefootedly, but….. A woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.
• A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face, but….. A woman of strength wears grace.
• A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey, but…. A woman of strength has faith that in the journey she will become strong.

Source – here

P.S. – pic of rose from my garden!

Read Full Post »

Notes to myself – 2

Love…………….

How do I get love? I have it. I must drop my definitions of love. Love is not saying nice things to people or smiling or doing good deeds. Love is love. Don’t strive for love, be it.

All my life I have made it complicated, but it is so simple. I love when I love. And when I love, I am my self.

“All I want is to be loved” – Wanting to be loved, to be lovable, is not really a desire for how I want to be, but for how I want others to be.

~Hugh Prather

P.S. – Pics from my PG! ‘Clouds before Rain’. (Bangalore, 7:25 pm)

Read Full Post »

Let the Heaven Wait for ME

My days in paradise are over

Stars are falling on me

Banality is taking over my life

But I don’t want to go…….

Let the heaven wait for me!

They always say it’s a new learning

An adventure, an important step

But I am happy being a crinkled yellow page

Atleast I am a lesson to learn

I don’t want to go

Let the heaven wait for me!

I aged, I faded and now I  am dying

But I haven’t sold my soul

I might just fathom the reason to live

Are we here to say good-bye only?

Each moment to me is a new beginning

I have to live in rain and dance for you

Please, I don’t want to go………..

Let the heaven wait for me!

PS – Lines from my old box!

Read Full Post »