Archive for November, 2008


Mesmerized by your scintillating beauty

I,the darkest deepest blackest of night

look upon you, my lambent sheen moon

Admiring your tranquil beauty

I tell you to ablaze me

with your sheer radiance

You always make me still

I can never cross your way.

How can I know…..

I am Night,

          my beauty is in my deepest darkness

You are moon

          your beauty is to steal my beauty

I look fixedly on you and ask…..

Can our separateness bloom into closeness?

Mesmerized by your scintillating beauty

I look upon you, waiting for an answer.

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K – So, you write poems? I can smell something fishy. Am now dead sure there is someone in your life? Who is he?

It really sucks when I get to hear this statement in that sarcastic way. When you are not my friend and there is only professional relationship between us, why the hell are you intersted in this kinda thing? Are emotions come only when there is love in your life? Does love writing show your love-life? Why don’t people understand this??? Love is not necessarily to be there to write about love. And why they are so much eager to get a chance to peep into my personal life?  Really some people na……

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Today the topic on Sunday Scribbling  is ‘Grateful’. Without allowing my brain to do much exercise, I am here with these lines…………

If today you

will come

will hold my hand,

will take me to heaven

will then give-up in-between

then a kiss will fly from this dying soul…….

I am grateful for this freefall!


If today you

will come

will hypnotize my roses

will make me to close eyes

will then crush all my roses

then a last breath will sleep on this rose bed…..

I am grateful for my every last breath!


If today you

never come

never hope can smile behind grey clouds

never life can rest in lap of vibrant death

never thunder can dilute in angelic silence

never Can I be you, never You can be I…….

I am grateful for every of you in me!

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I CAN…….

When the world

shakes me up from head to toe

I lay my foot on ground to breathe

and close my eyes to start my dance.

I can dance with this shaking world!


When the world

breathes behind the mask of its soul

I wipe my spurious shallow tears

and give a smile to breathe courage.

I can smile with dead mask of hoax!


When the world

laughs in silence of senseless words

I keep my eyes with heights of sky

and breathe words to shed meaning.

I can rejoice with these senseless words!

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Yesterday when I went to bed and closed my eyes, all I could feel were noises. It was feeling as if my whole body was shaking horribly from inside with vibrations starting from my head and reaching to the tip of my toe. I just wanted to gather enough energy and wanted to make my soul to sit in front of me. Then I wanted to shake my soul and wanted to shout “what is there that is going inside?” It was really sinful from my side that I started cursing myself. My confidence seems to me the part of another sky. I couldn’t concentrate and couldn’t make my mind to believe in God. Unknown fear was just gripping me. I don’t remember when sleep pulled a cover on this restlessness. Still a part of that restlessness is pinging me at every moment.

Below, not related to post………

Novice has commented in one of my post….

“Neilina, I hope you don’t mind me posting this piece to help someone worthy to get the prize offered by CNN. ” If any of you is intersted in checking the link, here it is:-


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And my shinning stars flew away…….

………in the night sky

I separated two bounded stars

soaked in mystic moon light

untouched by realm of dreams

just to see depth of heaven

in shallowness of my thoughts

and to create a portion of sky

for my bounded stars to fly….

As I close my eyes

to cover my longing spirit

I see deep within me

my shinning stars flying away…..

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Right now, I am feeling for a surprise to come in my life. Am checking my in-box, my office mail box, orkut, my gtalk to see if someone has dropped a surprise for me! Life is asking me to gift her some change, some change that will come in a moment and will bring a turning point in the life for the best. Lethargically I am sitting, typing this post with a hope that some ‘new’ will dust-off casually from the air! Amen! By-the-way from where surprises appear? I have appetite for surprises today.

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I am standing

cherubically staring

heap of my tacit dreams

lying in fictitious realm

radiating serenity

in every thought.

My dead dreams

do breathe silence

in matrix of dead hopes!


I am kissing

all radiant hopes

floating in balmy air

Not knowing from where

desolate parcel voyaging

with no dreams can dust-off.

My lively hopes

do twinkle endlessly

in dark shadow of hollow dreams!

There are some dreams for which no hope is attached. Reality doesn’t allow me to do it. They can never come true. But I do breathe these dreams. After all, life is not where all the dreams are to be fulfilled. They still give me happiness when I think about them. The childhood dreams, teenage dreams, career dreams and so on! Time always sets a limit on them. Dreams without hopes are still my life. There are some hopes for which I never dreamt. They are coming, fruiting in my mind and staying there. It never occurred to me to link dreams to these hopes. Hopes without dreams! And I have also found a bridge linking dreams and hopes. Living with this trinity of dream and hope sometimes make me to think hard.

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October bought for me 3Fs – Friends, Fun and Family. The best thing was that I became more confined in my present rather than to think about the past tensions or future worries. It was good to live in your present. This month saw of me less emotional. My thinking aspect somewhat disappeared and more I became inclined to, ‘Whatever happens, happens for good’.

  • The month started with my first ever trip with friends since I landed here in Bangalore. It was really a fun; be it either venturing into water of Balmuri Falls or sight seeing of Temples near Mysore. This was the first time that my plan fruited after looooong hours of planning. Overall the trip was a fun. And the great oath that has come out is to go on a trip every month. Lets see, how many months can we go on accomplishing this pledge.
  • I dawned into unnecessary tensions and many-a-times diverted myself but thank to God, this month made me to come-out in just few minutes. Loneliness stayed away from me and whenever it pinged me, I found myself with the friends to wipe it away.
  • The support, care and love of friends really filled my heart. Be it in office, PG or my blogger friends. It really felt at peace when friend pinged me directly; asking me the reason rather than simply to read the blog, when friends bought medicines and scolded me for my illness, when they called me every time for dinner and lunch, when they cheered me up whenever I felt dull, when H bought home food for me……….Salute to Friendship! 🙂
  • I enjoyed being pampered at home. I bow my parents for their care and simply I am thinking I can never be even 1% mom as my mom is! Moms are really like this only! The part that filled my heart with tears and a fear that girls leave their parent’s home after marriage. This happened when my father was talking to me and in next moment, tears came in his eyes and after sometime my mom also started crying. How to tell them I am here only and not going anywhere now!
  • I had my first Vodka 🙂 Although there were just few drops (I guess) in one glass of Coke and I didn’t feel anything, but I am happy with the thought that coke had vodka. And I want to give again one shot to see how it feels to be in Full Nasha 😀
  • I am with these three wishes for this month – to do nose piercing, to have a rose tatoo on my left ankel, to buy SLR camera and to go on sky diving.
  • Finished reading of ‘The five people you meet in heaven’ by Mitch Albom and ‘The Monk who sold his Ferrari’ by Robin Sharma. Again these books have taken me to different world. You are new you. I just wish when I can get the courage and wisdom of Julian in ‘Monk who sold his Ferrari’ and clarity of thoughts like Eddie in ”The five people you meet in heaven’ even after my death.

Lets see, how this month of November goes! Good Luck to me!

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