WHAT NAME WILL YOU GIVE TO YOUR LIFE?

It always takes me to different world and every time I feel I am new me, whenever I finish reading any book of Paulo Coelho. I am with ‘The Fifth Mountain’. When I started the book, I failed to adhere my mind with the wordings. But there was something that was binding me to keep on turning page. The more I went further, more the book mesmerized me. And now I am completely in new world – like new vitality has grown inside. I don’t know for how long it will continue, but whatever I am now feeling blessed and I guess I am ready to take tough decisions. Bless me!

From the book……..

“Each one has a name from birth but must learn to baptize his life with the word he has chosen to give meaning to that life………The destruction of the city and the death of the woman he loved had been necessary for Elijah to understand that he too must have name. And at that moment he named his life Liberation. “

What name will you give to your life? At this moment I am feeling to give the name ‘RAIN’ to my life. Don’t know why….rain for me is not rain, but everytime when I see rain, I feel blessed. If in future I am clear about my life, then surely I will change. 🙂

“A child can always teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to be always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.”

“A warrior accepts defeat. He does not treat it as a matter of indifference, nor does he attempt to transform it into a victory. The pain of defeat is bitter to him; he suffers at indifference and becomes desperate with loneliness. After all this has passed, he licks his wounds and begins everything anew. A warrior knows that war is made of many battles; he goes on”

“Can God be evil? the boy insisted. ‘God is all powerful’, answered Elijah. ‘He can do anything, and nothing is forbidden to Him, for if it were, there would exist someone more powerful than He, to prevent His doing certain things. In that case, I should prefer to worship and revere that more powerful someone…….Still because of His infinite power, He chose to do only Good. If we reach the end of our story, we shall see that often Good is disguised as Evil, but it goes on being the Good, and is part of the plan that He created for Humanity.”

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AUGUST RAMBLINGS!

One more month passed! Is there something in future that time wants to grasp? Why is it running so fast! 

August days have given these shapes to my shadow……..

• It is very important to draw lines in relationships. I never thought like this before. I always endured realtionships from my heart in full swing which I thought were important to me. But now I am feeling it is not like this way. The month made me to learn to draw lines. Whether every relationship demands lines……..am not sure on this! May be the coming month will give me the answer. This reality has made me somewhat joyless. This is totally a new thing for me to learn which is somewhat against my feelings. But for my life I have to learn.
• Why I keep on giving reasons to some even when not even one percent they are interested to hear. Bonding is always different at the ends. I felt shallow inside when the other person told me this thing directly on my face. And like the way I am, I didn’t say anything and turned to other side.
• I indulged myself more in complexity of thoughts. But I am happy, I knew how to make them simpler……”Don’t think and divert your mind”. I tried and somehow I was successful. Sometimes I feel, I don’t want to come out from this complexity as if it can give me something precious.
• I accepted many things about myself. And felt ‘acceptance’ is more courageous than fighting. I always believed in fighting for the things. The fight always took in silence, without telling anyone and now this acceptance is also happening like the way I fought inside.
• I dreamt again going to Leh. I want to spent some time alone there. It was different feeling when I noticed our car moving alone. No one was there even in far-off sight and you were there alone in-between high mountains, completely outside this world!
• Home is the best place and nothing is like to be with your parents.
• August gifted me some important relationships- H and G and some of my friends in PG. This is the first time in PG that I felt I can go to them anytime. I never got that feeling from them that my behavior is bothering them or I am coming in-between there life. It feels good.
• On the office front, it was cool to know how the problem dissolves by themselves. I felt somewhat confident. Touch wood!

Bye-Bye August!

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WHAT IS THIS?

Sometime it seems

 

world is so near to me

 

I just have to fog off

 

my reflection in the eye

 

and wipe that one thought

 

Sometime it seems

 

world is so far from me

 

Every mark of step snuffed out

 

and I scud to cross woods before

 

time vanishes that one thought 

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LOVE

Beholding future in glittering eyes

Sunset beauty ransacked by heart

Hands held trussing two fate lines

Wrapping them in ecstasy of heaven

Lips rest on each other touching heart

Lovers inside seashell forming pearl

Stepping on journey bounded by love!

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MEMORIES!

Memories lost in enigmatic grey matter

to have no yesterday, no tomorrow, no time

Today’s oracle with his occult magic stick,

blows softly anesthetic aromatic air

over your lashes, sailing you with time

leaving behind old memories in grey matter.

Is it so much difficult to penetrate labyrinth

like Kirchoffs’s laws mingled with hundreds wires.

Or is it so much easy to give words to memory

like framing the ticklish smile on face of child.

Whatever…..

Memories are never lost in enigmatic grey matter

For I have seen soul, the soul wrapping grey matter!

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ACCEPTANCE

 

            The intrepidity to ACCEPT sometimes calls for ultimate courage. Oh My Life…..Bless me with this fearlessness. If someone sarcastically separates my soul from the body, what courage my life will demand to follow the way of acceptance, to live without soul? Why to sit in some lonesome corner and to watch tragedy of my own life. Acceptance will give birth to my soul, confidence to take me to my horizon. Lay down a simpler way for life to go…………….

 

Is acceptance sometimes a compromise or always a compromise or never a compromise?

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H and G!

H is my sweet Kannada teacher and G my caring brother. Both H and G are married and we all are working in same company. I wonder how God keeps sometime unknowingly beautiful, unasked relationships in your lap. Sometimes my heart just gets filled with so much thankfulness for them that I can’t even say ‘Thanks’ to them. It feels ‘thanks’ is such a small word to say for their love, care, support and all the help.

I always feel uneasy when I am with some couple. I become so conscious of my words, of my behavior, the topics on which I should talk and with a thought how both them are feeling because of my presence. Everyone wants some privacy, some beautiful moments to share especially at the start of their married life. H and G never made me to feel like this. I have always felt so comfortable and never that feeling bothered me. It is fun when H and me are on one side and G alone on the other in teasing war. It feels so good when G acts like your elder brother and give commands and I like young one always ready to tease him. H is so special. Her cubicle is just next to me and my half time goes in her cube and her half in my cube 😀 She just understands me so well. Glad that she came in my life! 🙂

Just want to say Thanks from deep down of my heart to God for sending them in my life!

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EVENING WALK

PG Gang is now with new mantra – Weight Loss! So you can see everyone here is so enthusiastic to go for evening walk. Madams are buying new tracks and shoes. God only knows for how long it will continue. But you can imagine how optimistic we are! And the public park, near (means at a distance of 10 mins) to our PG which we have chosen for our evening walk is more kinda of ‘Couple Park’.

Rain was missing me today, I guess. Hardly had we done our evening walk, heavy rain came. And for shelter we went under thick canopy of tree. Don’t know why God is showering so much blessings on the couples……you can see them, under one umbrella. I won’t be writing more, you can imagine 😉  Some are drenching and some are singing songs. It was totally filmy atmosphere 😀 Thank God, no old people came today for walk, otherwise I feel embarrass by thinking how they must be feeling to see all this.

We waited for 15 mins, so that rain can stop. When no sign came, we decided to take auto. And the best thing, no one was carrying money. But it was okay, auto will stop infront of PG only and anyone can go inside to get the money. But who knows we will be getting the most thickheaded auto driver. In the auto, when we told him to take different route so that auto can stop exactly infront of PG, that fellow started shouting on us ,” I won’t take U-Turn, you have to get down at S Stop only, I won’t go anywhere else”. And when we told we are not carrying any money with us, you can imagine his face……. “paise nahin the tow auto mein kyu aaye, aab mein kya karu” (“If you don’t have money, who told you to take auto, what shall I do now”). And then we called our PG friend to come to ‘S’ stop with money.

So, shall we go for evening walk tomorrow also?

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MY DADDY STRONGEST!

Remember that advertisement on TV…..”My Daddy Strongest!”. I have always thought my father to be the strongest man and I guess every daughter thinks same. I have always thought him to be here, to give love, to care, to guide and to take away every trouble. But this time, when I went to my native, I noticed that wrinkles on his face, the white hairs, his back ache problem. He is getting older.

But he never made me to realize that he has his problems also. I always felt complete and infinite secure in the relationship. I never bothered myself to think that he can grow weak with time. And when I am seeing all this happening, a strange feeling is circling my mind. Someday, my brother will come into picture, taking all his responsibilities. How the cycle of life goes!

He never made me to realize the tears in his eyes when he left me in Pune for studies, he never made me to realize that he had backache and then also he dropped me to my friend’s home. He has always played chess with me even when he is not in a mood. He has always loved me after every scolding. He is always on my side, when I have some argument with my mom. He loves to gift surprises on my birthday. He has always solved my problem in just a blink by saying just a few words. And when I was coming to Bangalore to join my first job, he said,” Your each step matters to many people, THINK and always try to be the one that makes you to feel good and happy from heart”. Just tears were there and I couldn’t say even ‘bye’ to him. 

I was never that close with my father as I was with mom. The conversation between Daddy and me was more restricted to my study, books, politics, authors, my subjects and more kinda of formal talk. Yesterday when he called me, we talked so differently. Not many times, he had told me, what he did whole day. Like a child who is excited with happiness after getting unexpected gift, my father was telling me his whole day routine. I can sense the freeness in his voice. Nothing is so pure like the relationship between daughter and father! Love you so much Daddy 🙂

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RIGHT NOW

Right now, I am feeling as if there lay an endless vacuum between my body and my soul. Even if my body is mingling with all the lively things, enjoying with whatever given to the body by senses but inside, my soul is just sitting alone without any contact with anyone. My soul has become completely dormant. Like, my soul wants to be with my body, wants to feel sense of completeness and satisfaction. But  whenever the soul opens her arms to touch – a try towards liveliness, the soul finds that the distance between her and the body has increased.

Which feeling is this?

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