Sometimes I feel as if all the scratches left by the time has been rubbed. I am now a free, happy fully contented tranquil soul. But few days back, it so happened that I felt to tell everything to one of my friend. We are good friends but after his marriage limits appeared in our relationship. The time we used to spend together, our gossips, our roaming, everything condensed. Anyways every relationship changes with time and it is best to change ourselves accordingly. I don’t know what made me to share everything with him and one day I told him everything about the latest happenings in my life. He didn’t say anything…..no words to soothe you! Just nothing! But he just kept his hand on my head. I love when others keep their hands on my head. I felt so weak and felt how much still I need care and support of someone. I still haven’t grown-up to face everything alone what my life has to offer. I just wanted to hug him there only, on the road and wanted to cry on his shoulder. But I saw the space that time has created. And I continued to walk like a programmed robot.
Archive for the ‘confusion’ Category
WEAKNESS
Posted in confusion, personal, words on February 24, 2010| 5 Comments »
Blind Haziness!
Posted in blank, confusion, feelings, Life, thoughts, words, writing on February 13, 2010| 4 Comments »
SQUEEZING MOMENTS!
Posted in confusion, destined, feelings, Life, relationship on November 20, 2009| 12 Comments »
There was something different that day. She felt what-if something happens to her tomorrow, she has never told him how much he means to her life even though he doesn’t feel anything for her.
She clicked on his name and stared at the popped-up window. And finally after few time clicks….
She: Hey….are you busy?
He: Is there something urgent?
She: Nope, nothing like that!
After few more time clicks….
He: So, are you back at home? Had your dinner?
She: not yet…have to prepare yet!
He: hmmm
She: I just wanted to tell you that you are very special to me.
He: Why? what happened suddenly…so, which movie have you watched?
She: *blank*
He: Don’t get senti on me, you know that I don’t like all this.
She: I know……I am sorry!
He: I don’t know what to say…..don’t put yourself into too many emotions and sentiments…..it pains later….am too straighforward!
She: Okay
She closed the window with a thought is he the one with whom she got engaged. A fear crippled her when she thought about her future with him!
My Universe
Posted in confusion, feelings, Life, personal, relationship, thoughts on August 3, 2009| 4 Comments »
In this abstruse and arcane world, sometimes I feel like to create my own universe; making ‘you’ to stand at one corner and me at the other end and then painting a life where…….
a tear is enough to release all known secrets
each meet doesn’t mean becoming more strangers
every story doesn’t end with words but a longing
each bond takes a step towards serenity and freedom
understanding will come before giving explanations
trust doesn’t depend on years spent together
where….every turn of life will find ‘you’, waiting for me
………………..
I am still standing there, holding my life with abundance of marks left by you
I hope these marks haven’t got vanished by the strokes of my hardened heart
And you will see them on your return journey.
***********************
Up Above there
in the sky
Deep Below here
in my heart
where there lay
zillion songs
of drowsy words
and loner lyrics
screaming silence
with every heartbeat
Will ‘you’ sing that song for me?
Dream!
Posted in confusion, heart, poem on July 29, 2009| 8 Comments »
Adhered to glooms of sky
When I put my eyes up
shyly hiding myself
from your tenderness
to see so-much of hidden love
to paint ‘us’ with star dots
that jumps from one galaxy to other
I always know then
your eyes knock at my eyelashes
everytime
but want to burst my bubbling stars
Purposely I always then
close my eyes for eyelashes to die
You know………
Sometime I just wish…..
for my heartbeats to be much louder
that they can smatter my all dreams!
What was that ‘nothing’ I felt
when you hypnotized me
sitting in the dusk garden
snoozing me with your words
Never it happened before!
What was that ‘nothing’ I felt
when unknowingly you flared me
sitting besides in eatery for lunch
showing me that someone has come
Never it happened before!
What was that ‘something’ I felt
when you traveled deep within
freeing me while holding my hand
making me to see world with your eyes
Never it happened before!
What was that ‘something’ I felt
when rose petals fell with no-one to pick them
when blindness veiled with dreams gone with eyes
Just tell me once,
how ‘nothing’ can crumble into ‘something’……
………in just a blink!
PS: Pic is of moon from my PG for BlueMist on her request 🙂
PPS: Hopefully, this will be my last ‘sad’ poem and will try not to write like this from now onwards.
Notes to Myself – 1
Posted in book, confusion, Life on July 24, 2009| 2 Comments »
When I see I am doing it wrong, a part of me wants to keep on doing it the same way and even starts looking for reasons to justify the continuation. And no one can tell me better – not even me!
Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes and I am left the same as I began. The more things change the more I am the same. It appears that my life is a constant irony of maturity and regression, but my sense of progress is based on the illusion that things out there are going to remain same and that, at last, I have gained a little control. But there will never be means to ends, only means. I am what I started with, and when it is all over I will be all that is left of me.
~Hugh Prather
When I call you
polemic
you argue with me
telling me to give
reasons
When you know
I hate to give
reasons
always making me
to go down
and drag out
that meaning
when that meaning
crushes everything
everytime
When I tell you
lets make things
simple
you scoop out everytime
making everything
unbalanced
telling me about your
fight to end complexity
for simplicity
And I tell you
complexity
can bring together
simplicity
And when you see
dancing me
over your digged past
you always leave me
not knowing
my dance is just amiss
waiting for your steps
not knowing
my mysterious dance
is just an endeavor
to create simplicity
just to have You!!
Changed Me!!
Posted in confusion, personal, relationship on June 15, 2009| 5 Comments »
People tend to change you, even if they don’t deserve to be in your life. How worthiness of a person in the life is defined? Is it the impact that the person has in your life?
“N you are changed”…..Now-a-days I get to hear this statement so often. Am I really? Sometime a try to change yourself for better can hurt others unknowingly. And if you don’t change, things will keep on hurting you. You just land-up in a situation to think about others or to think about you and the worst part is that you don’t want to be in either of the situation. Why do people come in our life? Just to change us………….
Is it a Illusion?
Posted in confusion, feelings, Life, personal on June 10, 2009| 3 Comments »
Letting Go doesn’t always work for me. I struggle so hard like death has kissed me to let go the things. But the next moment, that gone thing again comes into my life, infact I feel more close and tranquil. But deep inside a fear lingers, the fear that I need to prepare myself for letting the things to go again. And it happens………
I am swinging between the two and the best part, I am not for my life and I am not for anyone else.