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Archive for May, 2008

Some Instances:-

M- male, C- female and L- female friend of both M and C.

Instance 1:- M and C are very good friends. Some days back, M got engaged. The girl was selected by M’s parents. After coming back from his native, M deleted everything whatever C has written in his facebook and orkut (particularly the things which can be seen by the outside world). M told to C that his fiance was checking everything in his accounts. He is also checking every information in her account.

Instance 2:- M and C joined the company at same time. They became very good friends. Everytime M used to wait for C to finish her work and after that they both used to go for lunch and dinner together. After some time, M got engaged. Days passed and it happened that a sort of wall came in-between. It happened like that they both were sitting in the cafeteria alone and having their lunch. But no-one bothered to ask other for the accompany. They both finished and went on their way.

Instance 3:- M and C are getting married. L (female) is good friend of both M and C. L feels very comfortable with them. M and C have so much understanding and love that their love has no effect on others thinking. L can sense the understanding that they give to others and also between them.

These are some of the instances that I came to know from some of my friends. What is there that make us to lie in some of the things with our life partner. Is this insecurity towards the relationship. Are boys more insecure or girls? I feels now-a-days boys are also becoming more in-secure in a relationship. But if I ask my friends, all of them says that girls are more in-secure in relationship. But we all are individuals who crave for what is called ‘true’ love. And may be we all think, hiding somethings in order to get this ‘true’ love is valid.  But…………??

ADDING another Instance told by Rambler,

Instance 4:- M and C had a beautiful friendship going on, and suddenly out of blue C proposes to him, now M who does not want to break her heart, nor go ahead with the romantic relationship. both are not struck in the dilemma. And now C gets engaged.

I have noticed many times the friendship between the opposite genders, doesn’t go long way, it turns to love. Are feelings natural betwen opposite genders? I feel it all depends on the individuals, how much they are clear about their life partners. For me, the friendship with is beyond this feeling of so called ‘love’ is pious.

About Rambler‘s comment, “I think more than the insecurities its more to do with a fear of loss and also add a dash of natural jealousy to it that makes us do things“. It is true, we all have a fear of loss and our tendency of jealousy. But I feel, there should be someone with whom you can share everything and still that person have so much confidence and unbounded ‘trust’ which will keep both of them together. Is it like that, no human being can find only one person like this, on this whole earth? There should be some relation as pious as someone’s feeling.

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CLOSE TO MY HEART

I remember, when I was young, studying in 4th or 5th standard we all friends in my neighbour had joined so called ‘Shaka’. This was the group (no idea if it existed now) started by some people who considered themselves as ‘Great Hindus’ of India. I am not much inclined towards favouring one religion and at the same time saying insane things about other religion. That tender age, we were least bother to hear their long lectures but more interested in the new games they used to teach us. One day, we all were sitting together forming a cicle and our Didi was imparting some speech. A boy named Birju (no one was knowing his real name, but this was the name we all had kept) came from behind and started beating one girl who was sitting besides me. We were just paralyzed with fear and after some time regaining our consciousness we moved hurriedly here and there trying to find some place to hide. Birju was suffering from Down’s syndrome. He always showed abnormal behaviour towards either by beating him/her or stealing his/her things if that person had acted badly with him. No one left in the garden where we were sitting except our Didi and Birju. Didi was looking so calm as if nothing touched her because of this happening. She went closer to Birju and took his hand and started talking to him. I couldn’t hear anything but I could see her love and affection towards Birju. After sometime, she called two-three girls to have friendship with him, but no one turned-up. I don’t know what happened to me, I went and stood in-front of him. That time, he smiled and moved his hand towards me to shake. I felt awe because of his behavior. From that time, he was good friend of mine. I learnt these people just needs your love and nothing else. My friends used to say to me, how could I talk so comfortably with him. We shifted from that place after 1year and I have no contact with him. But he gave a very important lesson to me – a love to be shared with everyone, a love to be given to people who needs most.

One of my aunt’s daughter is also suffering from this syndrome. I salute my aunt for her courage in bringing-up her daughter. I was really surprised when I met S first time. She greeted me with such a kind gesture that I can’t explain. I just love her smile. 🙂

I feel a unbridle enthusiasm towards these special (infact, I should not use the word ‘special’) and old people. My mom always says old people needs the same care as a child of 4-5 years. Just wanted to say, whoever will read this entry, if you find any an old begger, don’t forget to give him/her something.  There must be many difficulties that he had faced and we can’t neglect everyone because of mischievous acts by someone.

 

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Searching aimlessly in my in-box, I came across my ‘old’ blog. The last post on my this private blog was on 15th Nov, 2007. Not many months passed, but when I was going through my posts, they all were appearing new, with a fragnance that had never thouched me. These words were written on 14th November, 2007.

My heart is sinking to go deep into your heart.
How my words will influence you? I don’t know.
There are some deep desires in my heart.
Some grayish desires with lines of black.
I am keeping all these desires with a dream

Hoping to help you to reach my heart
But can you give me a more than a dream
I don’t want to live like this peacefully with them.
A needle is piercing my hairs
and you know what? I am feeling pain, an endless pain.

My soul once flew and I left alone with a body,
To live with all these brutal animals.
I lived and lived and hope I will get used to life
Now I got that I haven’t lived life but life lived me.
There is confusion, a web of tangling feelings
I want to leave everything, every thought, every me
Do what you want to do now, I will not say anything
You are free and I am free from my soul
What if I didn’t get that ‘sinking’?
But, how to make sure I will be happy with you?
I am now going on a different path
The path where I have never went
I will go alone,
Together with my shadow and my God
To live in this world
To live my life
I will think now and will think about me.
You can come, whenever you want
My heart has no desire for you.
But my heart will welcome you.
The gate is open with red carpet lay there
Just I have to spread flowers when you will come!

A welcome of ‘sinking’ for which I am waiting!

 

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Finally, I wrote this one. One way goes through expectation , and the other way is a diversion and then finally a trust as a bridge between these two……….

 

I bowed my head in the hope of blessing.

But my head been crushed fiercely by ‘his’ hands.

Thinking my body is becoming sane with blood

I stood speechless, motionless for this baptism

But……….

But how my soul will become sane without her mirror?

But may be my trust is the way to soul amelioration

Who Knows??

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Are all taureans have confusion about simplest things in life? I have 😦 I never thought about my mistakes in all these easy peasy things until commented out by my friends. I wonder about their observation power. Forget about mine, I can’t even tell what’s the color of lipstick or what type of ear-rings our special girl was wearing in the song that just passed! Kudos to all my friends who have evolved such a strong observation.

Okay, now my confusions…..hmmmmmm………..If I am speaking to you and in-between I am saying yesterday as tomorrow….please, try to understand that actually I meant ‘yesterday’ only! I am trying to improve on this and looking-into all my words, but I feel this improvement will take sometime. Obviously everything takes some time to come-up with results! 🙂

My second commom confusion is right and left………..For this I am grateful to Auto drivers to whom I usually tell the way by saying left and at same time showing them my right hand. I am thankful to God, that many-a-times thay haven’t seen my hand and went on my words only. And for other unfortunate, embrassing situation, a smile can do wonders! This left and right also creates problems when I have to wear my lenses. On day it happened like I was wearing my left lens in my right eye and right ne in my left eye. I only knows how it feels to see the world, one through blurry eye and other through amazingly clean bright lens.

I will take time while opening the door, if it says whether you have to ‘PULL’ or ‘PUSH’. I don’t really understand why my mind becomes blank while seeing these two words. I am little bit grateful to my mind for solving this confusion with one ‘GREAT’ logic that it has developed.

Till my 12th standard my life was going smoothly with subtraction of one confusion between B and D (small alphabets). I remember my biology class, where our teacher told that some people have confusion between ‘b’ and ‘d’ and it all depends on your genes. ooooh……….why she said this thing. From that moment only; this thing popped-up in my life. I always have to make my mind confident while writing these two alphabets.

I hope, these four numbers will remain four only afterall ‘four’ is my lucky number! 🙂

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BREATHING ECHOES

Yes………finally I wrote somewhat romantic poem. WordPress is lucky for me. 🙂 I don’t know why I can’t write anything related to romance. I really adore such people who can write beautifully about their heart voice. I am happy finally I came-up with something related to heart, even-if it is not that romantic. I will dedicate this poem to Grace. When I read her e-mail in which she has sent some of her words, I felt to write something and all these words came out. I am thinking to post this one on Xanga too… 🙂

 

A moment of serenity,

vibration passed from one heart to another,

A feeling felt to capture whole eternity

And to keep it in someone’s heart…

A moment of tranquillity

Something whispered in desert to reach solitaty rose

Hands held besides riverside under mystic moon

And happiness is passed in tears.

A moment of felicity

Heatbeat held for lifetime’s dance

Each drop of rain felt in this masquerade

Soul rejuvenated everytime with every stare of beloved

How love is defined?  How ‘something’  can make yours each end a new beginning?

 

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A flow of my heart!

This world, stars, life, moon………..aaaah! Everything is so awesome. It takes my breath away each and everytime when I see all this with my heart eyes. I saw a turning point from total darkness in womb to this brightness in the arms of my mother. The womb’s wall always provided me a boundness, where my haphazardly heart beats were always slowed down by softness of love. The love being showed by giving me a cushion of squishy and pulpy tissues. Many angels also came there making me to sleep, giving a ticklish feeling to my mother. It was so complete there, but I was destined to come down to this world after a determined time. Aaaah……….Finally I came! I was screaming for that softness, for that love, for my angles. Those angels were still used to come till I grew up to be a ‘kid’ of 1 year. But time made me not to miss my angels. How could I miss them when I had forgotten about ‘my angels’? My heart beats started flying. I used to jump from one corner to another corner of sky. Painting my dreams on some clouds at one moment and in the next moment on another. Everytime I drew new spectra of my dreams. Sometimes when I reached to horizon in this fun, I used to come back to rub some of my dreams so that I could start all over-again. There was no limit for me, not even sky. But everytime when I was crossing my life, I saw and felt that my sky is narrowing down. I had to limit my dreams so that I could paint them on my new limit of vision. Finally, now a stage has reached where I am without my sky. I don’t know on which path and at what time it skipped from my hands. I am now setting into a new journey of search. The search; not for my dreams but to have a piece of my own sky. My own sky where I will paint my dreams!

 

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