Blind Haziness!

When I closed my eyes yesterday night, some hazel dreams started dancing in the deep darkness in-front of my eyes. But all I could see were those murky dreams that were just randomly jumping rather than dancing with those mesmerizing steps. And then with all my strength I tried to clear this smoggy scene and at the end all I could see were zillion twinkling dots telling me to shape my dream. I took one dot, joined it to another and then to another and then to another……..

Many painted dreams now invisibly rest besides me. And today when I tried to admire them, all I could feel and see is that they are not fitting in the space. I don’t know what this space is all about. May be it is all that my heart can think of, may be it is all that my eyes can see, may be it is all those emotions that I can feel or may be it is just a reflection of some fanatical dreams on a thin ice. I am clueless! And today only I got to read this message for me…..

“… that when you pursue your dreams, every second is an encounter with God. Following your dreams opens your heart allowing God to enter and fill you with bliss.”

I am here now with my dreams, struggling hard to fit them into my defined space. Many have been crippled and few have been smashed in this trial. I don’t know where God will enter and if He can fill cracks with his bliss. Just with a hope…..Amen!

Realizations….

• I always believed that communication is the most vital part of any relationship. Well, it seems sometimes we share so much with someone but something from no-where always creeps-in creating a wall between the two. And sometimes even when the two communicates like anything, some words still remain unspoken creating a wall. I realized I am still bad in expressing myself to others.
• You can’t have any relationship without limits. I thought I could have and then a try to have one, made the relationship to move away from my life.
• Relationship is still the most difficult subject to think upon. I really don’t want to think!!
• I realized the new changed me. Earlier Neilina who always wanted someone by her side now loves to live alone. She doesn’t believe now in soulmates.  I was surprised by myself only as to how I started accepting all the things coming in my life.
• Facebook is addictive than orkut. And now it is happening, that I am not opening my orkut account for many days.
• My cooking is not so bad 🙂 I have started liking my own dishes even when others are still giving me rank of 4 or 5.
• And I want to thanks from deep of my heart to Rambler and BlueMist who are there with me since the time I started my blog on wordpress. Thanks Guys!

Sooner Or Later?

He said, “Sooner or Later?”

And I decided on “Sooner” if “Later” it would have to happen. But by the time I took my decision many thoughts crossed my mind and somewhere one thought crossed my life like a shooting star making me paralyze.

I am wondering what if I would have gone for “Later”. But by the time “later” would have come, may be I would have died hundred times from the burden of heaps collected on the my life’s seashore by the wave of time.

I always desire and still wish for just one strong wave that will take all the collected heap from my life, making my sea shore a smooth one. And “Sooner” is making me to do that!

Just thinking….

Is it okay to compromise in a relationship? But a relationship should never be based on compromise.

Capturing a moment!

God knows how much we (my roommate and me) are fond of cooking but we can never understand where our matchsticks vanishes, the moment we are about to cook. Yeah, we still use matchsticks to lit our fifteenth century gas stove and not lighter, still maintaining our long old traditionalism 😀

This post is not about my horrible cooking practices but to capture a cute moment. So that day my roommate after seeing the empty matchbox went down to near-by grocery to buy match-box. When she was about to pay the money, one kid near her told…..

“This is a cat”

She looked innocently at the kid and told her that this is not a cat and is called match-box. And the kid replied….

“Noooooo!!!!! this is a cat, this is a cat……you don’t know anything”

In this dumbfound situation, she looked here and there to check where the cat is!

And after remaining in this blown away situation for few minutes, she finally saw the cat picture on the match-box  🙂 and then simply stepped-out after seeing the kid’s father laughing.

I am alive!! :-)

Wish you all  a very happy new year! Just  a little late but never late to wish you all 🙂

“May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night and a smooth road all the way to your door.”

Irish Blessing

pic taken – Ladakh Palace, 15th August ’08

SQUEEZING MOMENTS!

There was something different that day. She felt what-if something happens to her tomorrow, she has never told him how much he means to her life even though he doesn’t feel anything for her.

She clicked on his name and stared at the popped-up window. And finally after few time clicks….

She: Hey….are you busy?

He: Is there something urgent?

She: Nope, nothing like that!

After few more time clicks….

He: So, are you back at home? Had your dinner?

She: not yet…have to prepare yet!

He: hmmm

She: I just wanted to tell you that you are very special to me.

He: Why? what happened suddenly…so, which movie have you watched?

She: *blank*

He: Don’t get senti on me, you know that I don’t like all this.

She: I know……I am sorry!

He: I don’t know what to say…..don’t put yourself into too many emotions and sentiments…..it pains later….am too straighforward!

She: Okay

She closed the window with a thought is he the one with whom she got engaged.  A fear crippled her when she thought about her future with him!

The FIRSTS OF MY LIFE!

Although many tags are still pending from my side, but want to give a try to this, ‘first one’! I stole this from Xanga site and this seems to be a new tag. So, here it goes………

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?

• Never had Proms in India in those days 😦

2. Do you still think about your FIRST love?

• Nope….first love never landed in my life.

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?

• Hmm…vodka 😀

4. What was your FIRST job?

• Landed into IT and still continuing here!

5. What was your FIRST car?

• Not yet….but want to have corolla.

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?

• My friend P, it has been almost 9 years that we are in touch! Cheers to our friendship! 🙂

7. Who is the FIRST person you talked to this morning?

• My housekeeper John Abharam

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?

• I remember there was one Shashi Sir and I was his favorite student…(feeling nostalgic)

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?

• It was from srinagar to jammu!

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?

• To me, all my friends are best and touchwood that I am in-touch with all my special friends.

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over?

• Don’t remember exactly, may be in some relative’s home.

12. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?

• The full wedding that I attended was of my cousin. And it was really a fun!

13. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?

• Got-up only to know there is no water in the tap and landed in irritation 😦

14. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to see?

• I never attended that one! But want to attend Eric Calpton’s one!

15. FIRST tattoo?

• None, but wanted to have a rose tattoo on my ankle.

16. FIRST piercing?

• My ears at the age of seven.

17. FIRST foreign country you went to?

• Pakistan… 😀 that too, when we went to see the border and I stepped out from the Indian border line!

18. FIRST movie you remember seeing?

• Hmm, the first movie that I saw in theater was Jurassic Park!

19. When was your FIRST detention?

• Never

20. Who was your FIRST roommate?

• Roopali, when I went to Pune for my masters.

21. If you had one wish, what would it be?

• To go back at the start of this year and change some of the things happened in my life!

22. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?

• Guitar and Salsa!

23. Did you marry the FIRST person to ask for your hand in marriage?

• Nope, I didn’t marry that First person….

24. What was the FIRST sport that you were involved in?

• Basket ball

25. What were the FIRST lessons you ever took?

• Painting

26. What is the FIRST thing you do when you get home?

• Call to my mom and tells her about all day routine.

27. Who do you think will be the FIRST person you tag to complete this list?

• No idea.

 

STEPS!

FRIEND – WHO MAKES YOU FEEL HOW WONDERFUL YOUR LIFE CAN BE!!

FEARS!

I am not scared

of talking to you endlessly about anything till eternity

I am not scared

of staying alone to count every tick of unrecorded time

I am not scared

of hidden faces that breeze into itsy-bitsy happiness of life

I am not scared

of holding your hand and sitting silently for whole of my life

I am not scared

of falling forever as if some adventure will never come to an end

But I am scared of sudden moment of ‘realizations’

I am scared of having to let them go for what they piously belongs to me

I am scared of living with a thought of endlessly blinked loneliness

I am scared of some practical realities of life

I am scared of losing you to time

And…………….

I am very scared

P.S. – inspiration from purpleincarnations!